Satire: Ex-Soap Stars, This Is For You … And the Fans Who Miss You

By Matthew Weaver

It’s so hard to be a cheerleader for a team that doesn’t even want to win any more.

In the football team that has become daytime television, the quarterback is spitting on the legacy of the greatest love stories ever told, the wide receiverfootball guy has been recast with a Melrose Place actress and suddenly turned into a lawyer out of nowhere and the offensive guard and offensive tackle have quietly been written into the background.

And yet the owners and managers of these teams still expect fans to show up and sit on the cold bleachers. Heck, they don’t even care if they’re grumbling anymore, so long as rumps are in the seats.

I say, no more. I say, we’ve settled long enough. I say, it doesn’t take that much effort to come up with a soap opera concept fresh and invitingĀ  — a fact I shall now demonstrate by presenting to you, the disgruntled viewer, five wholly original concepts I think, given enough time to nurture and grow, could wind up representing the future of the daytime industry … and take this team [Read more...]