By Marlena De Lacroix
I have to say I almost choked when I heard that Frank Valentini and Ron Carlivati were re-signed to One Life to Live. Isn’t this show dead last in the ratings and going even further south? Aren’t they the duo that made Dorian a Valley of the Dolls shrew, had Todd sleep with Marty his prior rape victim, exiled the only gay couple given a major sex scene? It just blows my mind that these two have been rewarded with another two years of the show. At least someone thinks there are two years of the show left.
I guess we should all heave a sigh of relief that these guys, these sexist, misogynistic executives haven’t pulled an anti-feminine stunt in the last six months. Can the mysterious presence of ghost headwriter Jeanne Passanante have had some influence here? Of course, sticking up for Passanante, who gave away Reid’s heart (in an act of heroism, courage and love) is akin to sticking up for Hugo Chavez or Bin Laden these days. Someone at the show who is female has evidently spoken up. Bravo to whoever the woman in white is. Mr. Frons hasn’t conquered her yet.
Instead Valentini and Carlivati have signed up some pretty major soap names. I’ve already kvelled about Jon Shipp (couldn’t they have also brought back James De Paiva’s Max?) And of course, the grand entrance of Ms. Zimmer. I was never a Zimmer fan, especially of tacky, wacky Reva on Guiding Light, but when she showed up at Viki’s door, didn’t you think she’d shout “‘Howdy?” a la Minnie Peal in her hat with the price tag hanging on it? It’s too early to grill Zimmer, since so many on-liners seem to love her. A friend of mine calls her Mammy Yokum. I say, kidding aside, she is a multiple Emmy-winner.
We’re stuck with the biggest invasion of kids since the Mouseketeers. Save for Destiny, the kids on this show are just so unappealing, with the Fords auditioning for Minnie Pearl’s back-up band. James and Bobby and whoever they are remind me of the early endless strings of Joeys and Kevins that have dotted One Life to Live history.
And so we’re left with Todd shooting Eli in a plot that made no sense whatsoever. If Tea wanted to spare her daughter and husband her “death,” then why did she play dead? Were Eli and his brother after Todd’s $27 million dollars, ceded to him by Michael Malone oh so many years ago? No one ever mentions it anymore. Todd has to support Blair, a newspaper and a host of kids, as there soon will be two Todds. Which one will be the more sexist?